It seems as of late the lack of productivity in my automotive life. Based on my regular, everyday life, the automotive aspect has been affected greatly by the changes I've made to my approach to regular socialistic interaction. For a large period, a majority of my life I was considered a freeloading bum, living off the scraps, waste and generosity of others. Debilitating guilt plagued me, crushing confidence, a vicious cycle resulting in a growing lack of contribution. The only balance to this was the freedom to be creative and outspoken, the freedom to investigate and learn about the topics of life I found interesting. Together there was an odd internal balance of reward and consequence. A hopeful improvement was to shed the guilt and provide for myself and continue what might have been, a possibly pathetic, artistic lifestyle. Haircut and a Job.
Resumé in hand, and a sudden impact of new financial responsibilities, I hit a job and began indulging my new approach. It's been what seems to be a year and a half of the new. From nothing I've risen up with the great help of friends and one of the strongest focus's I've had in my life, become a 'responsible adult'. Big Scary Monster was a post I made early on in my changes, it is one of the few times I've been able to clearly state my half and half emotions, this indecisiveness causing stalls and halts to progressiveness. A lack of direction, no where to funnel effort.
I decided, I made the decision a year and a half ago to change who I was and stop leeching as much as I could. I had hopes of being the same person I was, believe in my same monetary beliefs, so counter culture that I have yet to find a single individual in life who believes in the values I do. Cleaned up I began shedding the all important elbow grease. My finances increased, my daily routine began to organize and for once in my life, I was well fed and socially debt free. Paying bills, and being a responsible adult was a major positive change, or so I thought. Slowly and quietly a creative bug, a bulb of a firefly in my brain began to burn out. The clarity of my passions, the obviousness of my intentions began to blur and I am left here now with feeling. I no longer feel like I positively contribute to society. I do contribute in a generic way, but it seems that people come to me to aid in the exchange of money for the things they need, something anyone can do, rather than seek my input for some sort of nondescript improvement. There is a mass we all carry, a hunch or a hump in our chests, my current contributions seem to only relieve the excess build up, normal people. I would like to return to the feeling of removing chunks of weight, to make peoples days lighter than before, rather than this current contribution of maintenance. Creativity and art seem to be the only contributions that lighten peoples loads.
The reminder of this old lifestyle was a reminder of the unproductive nature of Lemonade. The 82 Corolla wagon of mine that was built from scrap. During my personal improvements the wagon was shed in hopes of a new future, a cleaner, more professional approach to my drifting interests. This toe in the water resulted in a cold pool and I have no interest to swim. In Japanese bath houses, there is many different segments of water, salted, unsalted, frozen, cool, neutral, warm, scolding, shower, bath, sitting and standing, with all variations covered. With the test of the new pool I realized two things, either I'm not bathing in the area that makes me most comfortable, or my skin has become too pruned and sore. To decide which, it was time for a review. A conclusion was that I had made a change that didn't improve my spirit, my feeling of peacefulness, but rather had gone too far to the other extreme. I need to dial it back.
I had been saving and researching to find the right carb solution to my wagon. It had began to shed it's carb parts after and combined with a worsening cornering fuel problem. I parked it away and figured it'd be a quick stay in the hospital until a new carb was sourced. This was not the case, and with the introduction of a new daily driver, funds and energy were diverted to making it functional.
I'm pretty sure this is my 21st Corolla, somewhere around my 11th AE86. An 84 SR5 sport rescued by Dug Willis, it received a new approach and a lot of attention to get it back on the road. Rod Bearing cap #1 had completely fallen off and ruined the motor. A locally sourced 3ac was cleaned up properly, and installed with my best intentions. It seems to run and drive decently, but there is room for improvement. The Van, a previous vehicle of mine, is now owned by James.
The wagon, now neglected needs to be alive again as it seems I'm more connected to it than any other car I've owned. It's surpassed my first RX7 as my favorite car of all time. It's strange and immature to be so spiritually connected to an object, but I can relate so closely to the stories, and films of people dedicated to one thing over all others; it's beginning to become understandable. So out with the new and in with the old. The wagon shall return to being built with scrap and hope.
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